“Be brilliant.” Two weeks ago, this was the directive from my own mind. Cool, no pressure.
It was time to revisit the drawing board, to explore what deeper, more authentic expression of my offering wanted to come through, particularly via my curriculum. Why is this important? Well, it’s one of the most beautiful things about having your own business – it’s deeply creative. And if you are a perfectionist like me, this can also be deeply confronting.
“Be brilliant. Let the most juicy, genuine, interesting, insightful thing you have ever touched upon come through. And then communicate it to everyone so they can see how real and awesome you are. Do this right now.”
Wow, what pressure, how unrealistic, and, lovingly, what ego! Not surprisingly, I sat for two weeks looking at a blank page. After immense frustration, I shook it up, and headed south. Yet even then, I couldn’t meet my own impossible demands.
I swam, I went for long runs, I meditated – nothing, nada. No brilliant words of wisdom pouring out of me, no profound awarenesses; Spirit was not speaking through me.
I was wound up, stressed and in tears: if I couldn’t hear my own wisdom, then how am I supposed to hold space for others to do the same, how am I supposed to have my business, no one will hire me, and I’m going to die penniless in a ditch on the side of the road. Oh yeah, it goes there.
Because nothing was working anyway, I tossed my notepad aside, stopped trying, and meditated to the waves. And then… there was grace.
The moment I let it all go, I had this flooding experience that I am not my thoughts, I am not my mind, I am not my effort, I am not my expectations. I am the source behind all of that, I am the infinite intelligence that created this whole experience. I am, at the same time, Sam, in her thrashing, and also the source energy watching the whole affair. What incredible relief.
As soon as I was able to detach, really detach, I experienced the clarity, freedom, and yes, wisdom, that I had been straining for for two weeks.
And the bottom line: we are source, and as such, we have access to infinite possibility and limitless creation. How do we do that? Well, we feel good.
Yes, maddeningly, that’s it. Finding a way to feel relief, satisfaction, contentment, joy, excitement, exhilaration – this is the key that will unlock to the door to everything you’ve always wanted. Sound easy? Well it is when things are going well. The work, the real ninja training, is to find a way to get to these emotions when there’s no evidence of this kind of well-being in your external world.
Here’s what you can do:
- Acknowledge you’re outside of this optimal emotional range, or in plain english, notice you’re ornery
- Send loving attention to that part of you that is upset, angry, annoyed – stay with it until you feel movement
- Notice where you feel space or light in your body, and breathe into it
- Turn your attention to what feels good and open in your experience. Stay with it
Breathing into the space in your body will start to change the way you feel, which will enable you to start to think differently. In these moments, I tell myself things like, “I don’t have control of absolutely everything,” and “My inner being always has my back.” This helps my mind relax and open to stillness. From that place, you are aligned, so acting upon any thoughts, impulses, or inspirations that come from this space will get you closer to everything you want.
This is really it, in a nutshell. Sometimes the process seems so simple and obvious, and sometimes it seems impossibly out of reach. It’s my personal mission to help you (and me!) remember that it’s way less effort and much more fun that we’ve been taught.